Depression, Frustration, and other states of mind

I ran 6.5 miles (I think) today during my break at school - I'll have to look up the exact details on the AutoRoute at home, but I know I did more than 10K in about 48 minutes. The best 48 mins of the past few days, really.

I haven't had a good week, let alone an okay one. Depression is getting me down. The problem is, the depression isn't mine. The weather's been crappily cold this past week and people around me, family and work colleagues, have been complaining about the general state of things. I know the lack of sunlight makes people depressed, but what about the lack of warmth? I find it difficult when people get into a state like that, when nothing ever seems positive, and they just keep finding stuff to complain about, running it over and over in their minds to make themselves and others miserable. Even though I try to "switch off" in the interests of self-preservation, there are times I get really fed up when people get into that sort of mood. Nothing you ever say seems to get people out of their funk; you just have to let them work their way out of it themselves. I know it's selfish, and unkind, to say this - but I can't stand being around depressing people. And it's frustrating because I know I can't help them.

At one of my former schools there was this stereotype about music and PE teachers having little work to do, because these subjects were seen to be "non-core" subjects, having little academic weighting and not being intensive or challenging - the other teachers in my school would come up to me and continually remind me of what a "soft" workload I was getting, or the Heads of Department would assign music and PE teachers extra duties to make up for the perceived lack of work. I'd hear all this "You're really getting it easy. If you had my teaching load...." depressing comments. Frustration is good mental fuel, if you know how to use it - I would run and think about all these people or situations and channel that anger towards my running, and at the end I'd feel better. Hooray for endorphins.

And so it was like this today. Fuelled by frustration I ran and ran. It was nice to be selfish have the better part of a free hour for just myself, without having to listen to all that depressing stuff; just me, rhythmically jiggling keys and footsteps.

"Chicago" was amazing! I haven't enjoyed myself like this for a long time. The show itself was a bit like Warner Brothers' "Animaniacs", but I like that sort of thing. Very funny.

Did 25 minutes on the stepper last night while the cake was in the oven. Heart rate wasn't exactly off the charts, but enough to qualify as "cardiovascular" - although I think I got more of a workout mixing the cake flour.

It hasn't been a good week, training wise - two cardio sessions, five days apart, a sprinkling of weights... I know I'm fairly laid back about fitness, but that, even to me, stinks. Blame it on the weather, on life, whatever - yadda yadda yadda stink.

I'm back running outside next week. You watch me.

Kurt, Susan, Massoman and Jen P, I can't wait to read your race reports.

Happy weekend, everyone!

I won't gloat at your misery, but hahaha...

Did some weights and pressups this evening after I came back from work and shopping for cake ingredients and pressies. Not exactly "the run with the falling star" (some of you might know what this means), but okay at least.

Mrs Try's birthday is next Monday, and as part of the celebrations we are going to see "Chicago" tomorrow. While searching for tomorrow's weather (I'm obsessive about weather), I decided to look up the weather for places where readers of this blog live.

Tough call, but I think Jen P just edges out Andrea to be the winner.

The only question is, do we award you the title of "Bravest Outdoor Runner", or the "The Place Where I Live Currently has the Crappiest Weather" medal?

The run that never was

Intended to go running today, but never managed it. I didn’t fancy running outside in the alternating rain-sun-hail weather, complemented with a chilly breeze. From the blogs I’ve read, it seems like it is crap rubbish weather everywhere else as well. Of course, “rubbish” is relative; over here Himalayan yak herders would be catching a tan; I'll stay indoors.

Today might have been the last shot for cardio until next week. This week I’m going to have to rely a bit more on office weights and office stretching to somehow help contribute to my aim of running faster times. It will be a busy week as Mrs Try's birthday is coming up. I've got to find time to do the party preparations, cake etc all done secretly during the times she is not at home. Since I also do my weights/cardio etc at the times she is not at home, something has to give. Unlike many others, I don't face inner struggles with taking a training day or two off, if there is a good cause for it. I like fitness enough to not procrastinate (too much) about it, but it is not the world to me. There is always another day to run. I wouldn't go out and do something for the sake of doing it - I find it too meaningless to run, just to say I've run.

(You might have decided by this point that I'm a poor excuse for a lazy bastard.)

Work-wise, I’m happier being back at work this week. Too much lounging around just gets to me, and I feel guilty about having free time. When I'm busy I want free time; when I have free time I want to be busy - the sad story of my poor life. Sigh.

Another run is done

Okay, Massoman, I stole your line.

Today was a summer day by Canadian standards, so this morning I ran 3.5 miles - rather grudgingly, I must admit. I would have preferred to stay indoors - I don't know what it is; maybe it's the mid-term break coming to an end, and me trying to squeeze in as much "down time" as I can before the pace of things picks up again...

It's been a mixed week, really. You'd have thought I'd have appreciated having more time to run, but running's not always been among the things I've wanted to do. Every time I get some time off, I keep thinking, "When I don't have all this free time, what would I wish I'd done with it?" and keep trying to pad it with work in the hope that the working weeks that follow will be easier ones. In short, I work when I have free time, so that when it's time for work, I have time free. But I don't really feel "refreshed" after a break; rather, I feel I haven't stopped. Surely that can't be good.

Anyway, I ran without the watch, and thought about doing 5 miles, but I felt bored, and couldn't really be bothered to push myself to run under 35 minutes again, so I came home and did some circuit training/weights instead to salvage things. Thanks for the helpful suggestions in the previous posts. I seem to have lost some comments for some reason - Bob, Zara, and 3Rs, don't think I've deleted them - for some reason they are just not showing up.

My immediate goal is to consistently run 5 miles under 35 minutes, then work on lowering 10K and 1/2M times, before thinking about my sub-4 marathon.

Last chance for me before I head back to the daily grind, and any comments on this are appreciated:

When you have free time, what's the best way to use it wisely, and without feeling like you're wasting it?

Hooray for Bloglines

Let's get the technological aspects out of the way first, shall we? I've discovered bloglines ... so that now puts me just 2.5 light years behind some of you in terms of technological awareness, but at least I now know how you all read those seemingly endless number of blogs listed on your sites. Bloglines is cool and was quite easy to subscribe to, although you have to make sure the blog you read publishes a site feed. Zara, that was what I'd been doing wrong!

This morning I went to Mrs Try's Alexander Technique class as a "body" for the trainee teachers to work on. One of the principles behind the Technique is to eliminate unnecessary tension in daily activity. When you use too much tension, the motor nerves lose their tensile strength over time, like an overstretched rubber band, and part of the Technique aims to create self-awareness of doing any activity without over-tensing. To avoid boring you, more information here; this morning there was plenty of "sitting" and "standing" practice that I'm thankful I didn't do squats this week!

More weights this evening, I think. I'll probably be working on back and triceps.


This is what El Cheapo Me uses to do tricep kickbacks - a 5lb pouch of copper coins. They do the trick though! Am I the only one to confess to curling cymbals and pots of paint, or are there people out there who also find various uses for stuff ... anyone who squats a crate of old beer bottles, does dumbbell curls with the vacuum cleaner, or chinups on the shower rail maybe?

Can anyone also offer ideas as to what equipment I could use for hamstring curls?

What do you do in an off week?

Ran 4 miles today. Lefty (the right shoe), Righty (the left shoe - you get it) and I beeped 5K under 21 minutes, then - because I was tired, cold, and not feeling up to it - we stopped after 28 minutes. Four 7-minute miles - I'll take that.

Apart from today, I haven't done any exercise since last Friday. It's my mid-term break this week and on most days I've dreamed of doing things that I don't normally get to do in a working week - which are, lounge around in the mornings, watch the Winter Olympics on TV, surf the net endlessly ... sadly, it hasn't all worked like that. I still spend an inordinate amount of time tidying up and preparing work for when term resumes, in the hope that it will give me an easier working week. Damn workaholic!

Over the Atlantic, we're getting a few more sunny days here. I won't dare to say, though, that Spring is arriving. We're still into the last official month of Winter, and March is the month where Winter, like a runner after too many intervals, dumps all its innards in a torrid downward flow. Running throughout winter has helped me though - usually by this time I'm fed up of the perpetually cold temperatures, but somehow I've missed that by keeping my eye on the next cardio session each time. Or maybe it's the fact that people are still out there running in spite of things.

And while we're heading into half-marathon season, how's everyone's training going?

Runner Susan: Austin Half, Feb 19
Massoman: Cowtown Half, Feb 25
Kurt: Jeep Liberty Challenge, Feb 25, 26
Jennifer P: Hypothermic Half, Feb 26
M: Ceasar Rodney Half, Mar 4

Have I missed out anyone?

Ooof ! I did it again.

It seems like every time I run a fast 5K I end up getting a cold in the days that follow. It must be the way I snatch air when I’m running fast. Anyway, a cold put a damper on a long weekend visit to other members of the family, but when 4 out of 6 of them were also nursing colds, it didn’t seem to matter much. Cold Convention, Yorkshire! My mother-in-law had a cold that had been bothering her for so long, she must consistently run sub-20 5Ks.

It might be the stepper today or I’ll just stretch if I’m not up to it. I won’t (and generally don’t) beat myself up over a missed workout.



If you watched the Winter Olympics figure skating pairs yesterday you would have seen Zhang Dan of China fall awkwardly. I haven't yet been able to find a picture of the fall yet, but after being thrown and having to complete four mid-air revolutions, her right leg trailed behind her on landing as she bashed her left knee *bang* on the ice - like doing a lunge, but with every part of your body, except your right leg, tilted 45 degrees to the right. It made us squeamish just to watch the replays, but she returned to skate for a silver medal. And the gold medal female, Tatiana Totmianina, had a head-first fall on the ice in 2004. How's that for guts?

I'll stick to having my two feet on the ground, thank you very much. Although I'll admit that, on previous occasions, that still hasn't been stable enough.

What's in a name?

I got my new running shoes today. They are a pair of size 10.5 (11.5 if you’re over the Atlantic) Nike Air Streaks, and – being a half-size larger – are more comfortable than the ACGs I’ve run in for 4 years (on and off). In this age of running fashion over function it is possible to get a good inexpensive performing shoe even if it looks plain. I got the Streaks online without having tried out a pair in a store, and am very pleased with them. I’d read that, since I have flat feet, I’m a pronator and should buy motion control shoes, but the wear and tear on my old pair was consistent with a neutral running style, so I opted for a neutral shoe. I was a bit apprehensive but I’m not now.

Enough babbling. Today I ran past 5K in 19:56, and did 5 miles bang on 34 mins for an average of 6:48 mins/mile. I think I know why they call them “Streaks”. Mwahahahaha – if only my brother could see me now (see below). Eat my dust!

An assault on the 10K time next, I think. And, oh yes, the first stage of the 2007 Tour de France kicks off in London. Tell me you're jealous!

Sibling rivalry

I hope this doesn’t turn into a “I had a poor childhood boo hoo hoo” post, or read like one, but hopefully this will help explain my training philosophy.

My mother still beams with pride when she speaks of me being the easiest of three children to look after. While my elder siblings ran the hell out of her, and needed constant monitoring, I would sit quietly and play on my own. While they won medals in childhood for athletics, I won prizes for academics. That’s right. Big-headed geek.

As my brother reeled in more awards for sporting prowess, and as he neared the time to do his national service (which in Singapore means 2.5 years in the military), my parents felt the constant need to remind the other son, the 10-year-old, that one day, I, too, would spend a fair amount of time doing pressups in the mud and log presses with fellow recruits. I still remember that fateful day when I was going about my own business when my dad proclaimed, “You. Better go and exercise. You are going to suffer in the army.”

I enjoyed cycling. But exercise and fitness became such a biased topic of conversation, each time anyone saw me doing anything remotely active, I would hear about how I, the lesser of two brothers, would find military service difficult, while my brother, sportsman, swimming team captain and all, would breeze through it.

Along the way I discovered a love of basketball, and since even I wouldn’t trust myself to shoot free throws I decided I would work on defense: specifically, blocking shots. Every day I did on-the-spot jumps, aiming to reach, as closely as possible, the low ceiling with my head, and squat jumps (tuck jumps), working up to ten sets of sixty a day. Problem was, to avoid the usual discussions on fitness if ever I were found trying, I did them quietly in my own room, and didn’t wear any shoes to minimize the noise. Bad mistake. Repetitive foot pounding on hard floor.

Ten years and a torn ligament later, the doctor who looked at my endoscopy results told me the inner meniscus had worn out quite badly, and my left knee was a mess. I believed him. I saw the pictures myself. Since I don’t walk one-legged, I can only assume the right one is just as bad. The doctor’s dreaded advice was to make "lifestyle changes" and to possibly give up running. No way, I thought. But my knee acts up if I run more than 15 miles a week, so that’s why I try not exceed that.

My sister never followed up athletics and gravitated towards banking.

My brother’s now a PE teacher. But I own the 5K bragging rights.

I am the King of my Castle

It was a lovely day today. We had some lovely sunshine for much of the day, and it didn't feel too cold to me. Alas, it was all gone by the time I finished work for the day, but still, we haven't had many days like this, so it was nice.

An easy twenty minutes on the stepper tonight, followed by bicep curls to complement the nicely-aching tris. I had been debating to go running or not, but the knee whined, and I gave in. In hindsight stepping was a lot easier - no messing about with thermals, gloves, water bottles, hats and jiggling keys, or trying to master the art of stuffing a phone down gaps in my anatomy. Put the DVD on, have a nice warm cup of tea handy nearby ... when you're indoors, who cares if you step in your underwear?

I'm getting soft.

My left knee has been complaining these past two days. That’s pretty normal, really – after a certain number of miles, about 15 or so within a week, it starts to act up from overuse. That’s been a regular occurrence for quite some time now. So rather than do 5 miles today and carve even more stalactites into my fraying kneecap, I lavished more attention on running’s neglected half-siblings, weights and stretching. Did circuits of pressups, lateral raises and tricep kickbacks while watching the Superbowl video; then did some abs and stretched some, mainly hamstrings and lower back.

Can you spell F-L-A-K-E?

My new running shoes are lying somewhere in a mail-sorting office. Can’t wait for them to arrive.

I also can’t wait for the mid-term break. Two more days – woo hoo! It’s been hard this week, for some reason, to get jollying along. Maybe it’s the bug going around in schools – a lot of the kids have been sick or displaying symptoms of flu. Maybe things are like that this time of year. One thing I’m glad about though – even if it’s getting colder, at least it’s getting darker later in the evenings, at about 5 o’clock on this side of the Atlantic. It makes such a change from the dark dreary days of December, when you feel like it’s getting late, you want to go home and get to sleep (or watch 24), and then you look at the clock… and it’s only half-past three.

I need advice. I know sports drinks should be carbohydrate drinks with a high amount of electrolytes, but being such a rookie so far I’ve relied on water and – on really cold days – tea. I have an absolute lack of knowledge on sports drinks. Where are all the real athletes out there?

Did 3 miles of race-walking yesterday. Okay, so I suck at race-walking efficiently, but it was an interesting enough experience to see how the variables like distance, effort, pace and heart rate correlated. I reckon that it is possible to do a sub-4 26.2 by training 13.1 a week but it requires fast walking in between, and that I'll also need to work up to being able to run 8K in 35 mins.

Lore of Running is truly a good book. Ever since I got it as a birthday present, I've been dipping regularly into it. It gives useful information not just on training but also things like diet, backed up with scientific studies. I've been inspired to work on this sub-4 marathon by applying some of the principles I've read there. I know going by training tradition it's not possible, but it'll interesting to see, at the very least, what happens. One thing that's truly got me thinking is this: while 5K runners will certainly run more than that distance in a single training session, marathoners don't do 26.2 miles each session, and triathletes certainly don't do 10 hours of training each training session to do a 9:40 Ironman... and certainly you don't run 90k a day to do a 90k Comrades Marathon. Before I attempted a half-marathon distance, the furthest I'd ever run was 10-11K. Theoretically it should be possible to complete a marathon by running up to a half.

Either that, or find me bonked at the 20-mile marker.

I'm really tired at work today. I've been yawning incessantly and I hope not to fall asleep during the lessons. And as I've done my cardio yesterday and will run tomorrow, it's going to be the pressup/office-equipment-weights combo later during lunch time.

Here's to a good week!

Can pigs fly? No, but maybe they can run slow for longer

After a week spent reworking school timetables, and attending summer school interviews, and missing runs, I ran 15K during lunchtime today. Yes, I know for someone of my fitness, it probably wasn't wise to leave a week between running a 30K and follow it up immediately with a 15K, but it was a controlled 15K today, run in oh. so. slow conditions. Even the ducks had a faster mins/mile pace. I did the first 5K in 28 minutes, the middle 5 in 27, and the last 5 in 26. Effort-wise, the first hour felt like a 4/10, and picked up to about a 5.5 after that. I think at the rate I was trotting, it felt like every 6 minutes, I was only running about less than 3 minutes at 80%MHR - which is good. The thought of aiming for a sub-4 marathon on running less than 13.1 miles a week still appeals to me, and I think it will be less an issue of speed, but one more of preventing deceleration after the half-marathon distance. I might also try some speed-walking too, so that I don't lose ground during "rest breaks".

Today's running temperature: 1C/34F. Didn't feel like that though.

Tonight it might be weights to Alias. I'm not sure I'm liking season 4 though.

Back to work - have a good weekend everyone! Keep safe and be good (no links required, you know who you are!)

I see the fire in your eyes
Forged from
life's trials
A defiance
A determination
to take on
anything in your path
and win

The fire that
permeates your whole being
gives you

meaning
reason
passion
hope
companionship

with the lost

a pact
down the path
where
meekness is weakness
defiance is respect
where black is white
or anything
you make it
The World According to You

This fire
your funeral pyre
ablaze
for an eternity

-"To a Youth Misguided"