I’m annoyed.
Scenario #1
I’m walking on the sidewalk. There are two teenagers walking towards me – one wearing his hoodie. As they pass me, Hoodie makes a sudden lurch towards me and screams. As I jerk away, he gleefully tells his mate, “I got him. Yeah, I’m good, man.” Hoodie’s pleased he’s made me flinch.
Scenario #2
Wifey and I are walking out of the train station. The path through the pedestrian tunnel is divided into two lanes by a rail, and each lane is wide enough only for two people. During rush hour, it is common practice for slower pedestrians in each lane to keep to one side and leave space for faster-moving pedestrians to navigate around.
We’re walking alongside each other, taking up the whole lane, but it’s a quiet day and there’s no one behind us. Midway through the tunnel two cyclists come up behind me. That’s right, cycling is not permitted, but these two 30 year-olds do it anyway. I don’t want them tailgating us, so I move over to let them pass. There’s no mention of thanks, and as they’re cycling out the first complains incessantly to the second that “the fucking Chink gave me a look” and acts out that he’s been maligned.
In both cases, I thought I’d say something, but I didn’t. How do you reason with such people? I’ve been through similar situations to know that when you try, it’s often (a) pointless, because their values are so skewed they don’t see it as wrong, or (b) when they sense they are losing the discussion, they find fault with something else, such as disliking the tone you’re speaking to them with, and turning it into an issue. “Are you disrespecting me? Are you disrespecting me? Are you disrespecting me?”
I sometimes let things go (probably too easily), to avoid the futility, but it bothers me. Part of me believes that letting something go unchecked is deference towards such behaviour, and one should always speak out. It’s also a measure of your own self-respect – how much do you allow others to roughshod over you? But balancing the fact that one should speak out, with the knowledge that it is pointless … well, that’s bothering me.
One thing that helps me to deal with it is to concentrate on other things, the nice people I’ve met (both in real life and in blogworld), the nice random acts of kindness I’ve encountered, and things like that. I suppose the positive I can take out of this is that the both of us were so pi$$ed off, we went running afterwards.
These two incidents are really getting at me. And even worse, these incidents are making me develop bad opinions towards certain groups of people – and I know I shouldn’t.
Some advice please – and I really would appreciate your opinions on any or all of the following:
1) Is this sort of behaviour typical of what one should expect, living in a big city?
2) How do you think I should have reacted in those cases?
3) Should one overlook acts of incivility, because failure is inevitable and trying to reason with perpetrators is merely prolonging the agony of the victim?
4) How would you have reacted? If you did stop to remonstrate, what might you have said?
Thank you for your perspectives.