Dear...

...Summer School Student...
I know it seems like a crime for your parents to send you for an extension of school to learn a foreign language. I know you are tired from a year of schooling in your own country. And when you see worksheets or any other semblance of written work in my class, I can understand why you moan. And I sympathise with you. But I am also accountable to your parents, who want to see evidence that you are studying, learning and doing work. That is why we cannot play Charades or Pictionary all day long. That is why I have to give you homework, even though it means I end up marking it during time I am not being reimbursed for.

I know some of you are the only child in the family, and might not have had to work in a group. But please also try to understand that when you are ignored even though you raise your hand and shout "me! me! me!", it is because I'm trying to involve the quiet members of the class, who would otherwise fade into the background and not participate. Please don't sulk and give me that "unfair!" look.

Please also understand that if and when you are asked to move to a class of a different level, it is because we feel that would be the most suitable class for your ability. The top class in the school may not be the best one for you. It is not worth going to one that is way beyond what you can cope with, one where you stare blankly at the walls / worksheets and don't participate in groups or don't understand what you have to do. Nor is it fair if the teacher has to devote class time to your individual needs because you need more attention because the class is beyond you. So please don't all clamour to want to join the top class, and certainly, please don't get your parents to try to pressure me to move you up. I can't move you up; you have to ask the Director of Studies. So please don't waste my time, nor think I'm brushing you aside. I'm merely stating the truth. I cannot move you up. Please don't spend an hour of my time trying to convince me, because even if I agree with you, I will end up telling things I told you an hour ago - go see the Director of Studies, I cannot move you up.

...Fellow Teachers...
I know some of you might be new and I'm willing to help you insofar as it doesn't become a situation where I'm responsible for your induction. Please see the Director of Studies. It's within her job scope. I hope you settle in and have a good time teaching here, but please appreciate that there are only two breaks in the day, and they are short ones, and I would like to spend time making sure my lessons run alright, photocopying, marking etc, and I don't like to be continually interrupted too often to tell you things such as where to get drinking water, where the hole puncher is, where the board markers are, or give you a tour of the building.

I have also spent time preparing worksheets for the Museum visits we do. The Museums have their own worksheets that you can download, but these are more tailored for English-speaking students, and the level may not be appropriate for your class. Whatever the case, I have spent two to three hours visiting the museum, researching, writing and typing out my own worksheets because then I don't have to cut and paste from other worksheets, and I know my class can handle what they are set to do. I don't really appreciate you trying to "steal" my worksheets and piggybacking off me. Go commit two to three hours of your own time.

Please don't continually complain about how differing in ability your class is. You will get a class where some are bright and some are a little slower. It's also a fact that you can't always separate people into different classes just by ability; sometimes you have to do it by age groups as well. You can't put a 16 year-old in the same group as five-year-olds even if their abilities are the same. Likewise, you can't put eight year olds with sixteen year olds. In any case, the age range in my class is 8 to 15. I have clingy kids and hormonal teenagers. Just deal with it and get on with your work and stop your moaning. And we know that even though the official company line is that "there are no more than 12 students in a class", sometimes we'll be asked to do 13 or 14, because the company won't want to spend money hiring an extra teacher. Sometimes life is a squid - it sucks. Deal with it.

... Director of Studies...
Please don't dump your verbal diarrhoea on me. There is no need to state the obvious mundane things to me while I am busy marking work or preparing for the next lesson. You always have some instructions for me which I already know from the experience of working here. I know you write things on the board - instructions, special messages and all - for all the teachers to see and we do look at it. But please don't stop us, after we've read it and are in the midst of something important, to tell us to read it. Please don't also hold unnecessary impromptu meetings after lessons that drag on for ages. I - and I'm sure everyone else - certainly don't like to be held back after work to be told that if we need Blu-Tac, we should write it on the board; that every room should have a hole-puncher; that students should have files and homework, and all other stuff that we already know.

Grrr!