“Happyslapping” is a growing craze popular among teenagers in the UK. Like its name suggests, it started off as slapping someone for the fun of it. (Duh?) One teenager in a group would whip out a camera phone and film another crony doing the deed, and then send the footage to as many people as he liked. The “slapping” part of it isn’t really a proper description anymore – I’ve seen a documentary where a cyclist was clotheslined, and a woman suffering from cancer was kicked and set upon by a gang of boys, while a girl was raped and filmed - sick pack of rats.

After my run on Thursday I walked a lap around the park to cool down and passed by these three boys on a park bench. I could hear snippets of conversation like “I’ll give you £5 to do it. £6. £7.” and “Quick! Get the phone, man!” By the time they had mustered up the balls to even think about it I presume I was out of range of the camera. I thought about going back, in a show of defiance; ready to see if the unarmed combat skills they taught me during National Service really worked. But I decided not to. Why not? Because, judging from things, it would have probably come down to this:

Camera Boy: OK! It’s on! Go for it!
Happyslapper: Alright! Watch me be a real man now! (Flings big bag of water - note: they had one ready)
Tag-Along: Alright!
Me: (splattered) Brmphwf!
Slapper: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Camera Boy: Good shot man! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Tag-Along: (high-pitched voice) Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Did you see that! Man!
Slapper: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Look at him! Just ... loooook at him!
Me: Is that all you can do? The only job where people get to throw things at others is “Clown”. That’s what you are. Clowns.
All three goons: (as if they heard nothing) Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (They continue talking as if the victim is not there) Did you see that? The bag just went Boom! on him. Heh-heh-heh-heh (a la Beavis and Butthead)

So I didn’t bother. What’s the point? The people that engaged in that sort of thing aren’t interested in logic or reasoning. They just want a reaction from you – they want to see they’ve needled you, got under your skin, provoked you; then they can laugh further at you trying to explain what must be metaphysics to them.

When I encounter anti-social behaviour towards me I often just ignore it, believing myself to be dignifying the act by even giving it a response. I’ve often disagreed with others who feel that by walking away, I’m not standing up for myself and showing I can be pushed around. But what’s the point in trying to explain things to people that are so lost, so warped in their reasoning, that they won’t understand? In any case, I walk away with head held high, not tail between the legs. I believe myself to have won by not reacting.

When I’m at one of my schools, walking down the corridors, I can hear groups of boys sniggering, making comments behind my back like “Ching-chang-chong”, "Hello Jackie Chan!", “Egg-fried rice” or making noises as if they were trying to get the attention of a dog. Sometimes they go “Whasssup!” in your face and expect me to flinch. I blank them. The moment I pay any attention to that, they’ve won. (It's like the old playground trick where you shout "Hey, Idiot!" and everyone who turns instinctively to look becomes an idiot.) But the times I’ve just carried on with my own business, I’ve made the poor jokers look like what they are: attention-seeking no-lifers.

So just why am I ranting on about this? It’s simply quite sad to see people trying to find meaning in their lives by being nuisances. You want something in yourself to be proud of? Put on a pair of shoes. Get out there and move. Do it at least every other day. Surely there’s more meaning in that.